Relapsing = Part of the Process

I just want to say that after all of this time being clean, and after promoting sobriety and being clean on my blog here, that honestly I have slipped up lately. But even though I tell myself-"you only slipped up a little bit" - I still slipped up, and now I have to start counting over again. Its not good by any measure, but unfortunately relapsing is part of recovery. The shit just gets old man. What happened was that I ran out of subutex, which is the Rx I take that takes away the opiate cravings. I thought I was cured and didn't need it anymore. I couldn't have been more wrong. When I ran out of Subutex, my body went crazy. I went into the worst withdrawls I have ever had. I had to do something. I scored some good smack, and the fact that it had been so long since I did any, made it all that more powerful. I FELT GREAT! For about 2 or 3 days, I was on top of the world- no worries, no cares. But then after it was gone and I went to sleep. When I woke up broke again- reality set in. Then it was "kick myself in the ass" time. Full blown depression and self pity. Why would I do such a thing? I felt like shit for the next 3 or 4 days. Did I learn my lesson this time? I hope so. I'm back on the wagon- back on the straight and narrow. I got my Subutex refilled and life is back to the way it was. To be honest with you, I really enjoyed the high- but I am at the age and a point in my life that I also know, that if I keep doing that, I will die or end up an invalid and a burden on my family. I hope and pray I can stay strong.