An E-Mail That I Recieved From A Reader

I wasn't going to post this, but since my blog is about "Real Life" , after much thought, I figured it would more than appropriate, as long as I kept it anonymous. This letter represents the true and on-going life of a real person, and it is a perfect example of someone that has come of age, and needs to start thinking differently. Remember this- Life is a series of decisions, and when you make bad desicions and use poor judgement, this can be the result.

Hello,
I am definately in need of some sort of intervention. I am 49, and am going thru or have been thru many forms of addiction. I was addicted to meth for 5yrs and that ended in 2000 thru my own wilingness to overcome mainly due tothe fact that I had a daughter who needed me (she's now 13). That in itselfwas very difficult but I have not used since then nor do I have the desireto use now. The problem is that I started substituting alcohol in 2004 in arelapse due to stress from an abusive realtionship and the memories ofmolestation, from a bad 2nd marriage that was very verbally, physically, andemotionally abbusive, and the loss of financial stability from thatmarriage. I lost EVERYTHING in that marriage, including myself. There hasalways been something. My brother (now, come to find out he's my halfbrother) molested me from the age of 6 until I was 14. I went to therapy forit, thought I overcame it, went on to pursue my career and was successful,until 2004 when I met my highschool "sweetheart" again and married him. BIGJOKE. Talk about abuse. It took me 9 months to tell him to leave and all ofmy finances to get rid of him including the equity in my house and my 401Kfrom my previous job of 18 yrs, and yes he got away with it. He was abusivein every way towards me but more so to my 8 yr old daughter at the time. Ofcourse she did nOTHING right. That ended it but it should have been ended byme after maybe 1 week of marriage. That, I will never forgive myself for andfor that, my daughter has suffered since then and has learned that I cannotbe trusted to protect her.I don't know what to do anymore and spend my days praying and wishing andhoping that a miracle will come my way and take me out of this drain thati've fallen in. I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE. I just want to disappear. No I donot consider myself suicidal because I have this beautiful daughter (thathates me) to still care for.I do not use drugs but I do binge drink. It helps me to alleviate the painand severe anxiety and hatred that I have toward my ex and toward myself forwhat I've done to my daughter. Of course the next day I'm crying wonderingwhy I'm not strong enough to just "kick it". That is the million dollarquestion. I feel like I am no longer a person. I also have developed OCD(think I've actually had it since I was little) and can't stop counting andrecounting and rethinking and an and on and on. I can't go out in publicwithout severe distress and angst, can't tell anyone of my feelings becauseI feel I am just a LOSER. I am unemployed and at this point don't even knowthat I am employable as I am. I need help and don't know where to turn. I amso miserable and honestly don't know what to think anymore. I have lost mostof my friends; who would want a friend like me? I have a 79 yr old fatherwho I can't turn to emotionally because he can't grasp it although he doeshelp me financially and I do love him dearly.Any advice before my world crumbles completely?
Thank you.

If you've read this letter that was sent to me, you're probably wondering if I am going to post the reply. It's like this, if I can get just one reader, just one, to leave a comment so I know this all isn't a big waste of time - then I will post my reply, or replies to this letter. I'm waiting!